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Showing posts from 2015


"In three words, I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on." - Robert Frost

Hello everybody :) Yes, I've decided to blog. My boyfriend has been asking me from time to time to blog again. I just cannot find the time to. I've been really busy with classes and work, and now that I'm on summer break, I've been working so much more. I had yesterday and today off, so I'm here to write and blab about stuffs that nobody except my boyfriend who will give a real crap or two about all this lol. Lub u bibi.
Honestly, life has been really good lately. I'm doing really well in uni (don't take this as if I'm bragging, I'm not. I'm just really thankful). I'm doing really well at work too (again, don't take this as if I'm bragging, I'M NOT. It's just that it's my first job, everything is going so well and I can't believe it's great). Everything seems so great for me. I've made good friends here,…

I wish you were here

"It pains me to know you're hurting further than my arms can reach, that I am unable to protect you with the entire span of the Pacific between us, that no number of emails or texts or FaceTime minutes can bandage the bruises he hammers into your skin. There are days I think of you until the expression on my face is a postcard he will not let you read: I wish you were here, I wish you were here, I wish you were here. I keep three clocks set to your timezone as reminders that my 2AMs are your almost middays, that while the moon wanes in this sky you are under the sun someplace else, feeding breadcrumbs to birds in a park wishing for wings of your own and I imagine that for a fraction of a moment, you're not so afraid. Fly home to me,  where the hands that hold you will tremble with passion not violence, where you will not be a possession but the universe I inhabit, fly home to me." 
- Beau Taplin // I Wish You Were Here
I'm no longer mad at you for leaving me behind…

He affects me

He affects me, even when he's absent.

I thought this goodbye was going to be much easier than the past four goodbyes. This goodbye was actually harder than when he left Australia to go back to Malaysia for his internship. I thought this time was going to be easier because I thought I was/am already used to us living apart. But these three weeks changed everything. I actually felt happy; what I felt was real happiness I haven't felt in a very long time.
I know it's just 'one more year'. But you have no idea how long one year feels, how many things can happen in a year and that today can be someone's and anyone's last day. I know it's just another 365 days to go, but no one really knows that the past 365 days was torture to me, filled with so much sadness and tears, and darkness took over my life. The past year was one of the most difficult time I had to go through and that took me a while to get back up on my feet. It's just one more f-year, but you…


I know I've been gone for some time. I was just so caught up with classes, work and getting my shit up altogether. It was a difficult time for me, where much tears were shed, so much anger in me, so much hatred. Shutting the world out was definitely something I've learned in the past few months. But here I am, still standing tall. Trying to keep my head held high. Now it is time for me to rest. A much deserved break :)
Many things had happened in this past few months I went missing. I've landed a real job, which I love so f-ing much. I swear, it's like my dream part-time job! Everyday at work is like playtime for me - talking to customers about clothes, dressing them up, advising them, first look at new arrivals, wearing new arrivals, etc. It feels like I'm finally doing something I really love. My passion for clothes/fast-fashion. I feel like a walking mannequin, wearing them pretty clothes and my closet is filled with clothes that I've probably only worn onc…


"I found that I missed him the more he was absent from my life, and the more I missed him, the more I loved him." - Donna Lynn Hope

To be separated by distance, and for a matter of years... it sucks, really. To be wide awake, and start my day, but him getting all ready to go to bed. To watch him sleep, while he does the same, hours later. To feel nothing, but the exchange of feelings for each other. To face each other, but with a screen between us. We know nothing about each other most of the time. Because my morning is his night, his morning is my night. I go to bed, while he gets up from bed. He goes to bed, while I get out of mine. My today is his tomorrow; his today was my yesterday.
I sometimes forget how it feels to be loved. I sometimes forget how it feels to be touched, and to be cared for. I sometimes forget the way his eyes smiles, the way he looks at me, the way he cups my face with both his hands to kiss me. I sometimes forget the way he pulls me over to hug me,…

Lost soul

"If you love deeply, you're going to get hurt badly." - C.S. Lewis

Some days I wake up, and I feel the fractures in my flesh. Today felt like my entire world was in total darkness. I felt like I was in a world of pain. I felt like I crying. It all felt like a storm came out of nowhere. I just sat there, the pain took over and I allowed it to numb myself. My body kept wanting to eat itself up, and my mind wouldn't stop asking my heart if I could carry the pain around my whole life. Pain has marked me, but it's too deep to see. All that remains of it, is nothing but a shadow. Not in my mind even, but also in my flesh. It's killing me.

There's always some kind of pain. It flashes to remind you, when you least expect it. No matter how hard I try or how bad I want to relieve some of the pain from inside, I can't. It just stays in place. There is a longing for impossible things, for what never was, for what could have happen. But not knowing which decision…

Just one of those days

Today is one of those days where I just feel like crying my eyes out.
Today is one of those days where I just feel like sleeping in, hiding underneath my sheets as if I'm hiding from the world.

Today is one of those days I feel like giving up  on everything, even life itself.
Today is one of those days I wish all of this pain and heartache will 
go away as if it was like waking up from a nightmare.

Today is one of those days I realise what I used to have,  I don't have anymore, like I've lost it all.

Today is one of those days where it feels like I'm missing someone 
so much, but that someone doesn't exist and is not real.
Today is one of those days where I break into many pieces,  having no hope that tomorrow will be better.

I just want to cry until all the hurt goes away.

Treasure to trash

"To be unbroken, what would that be? If words that were spoken, had not shattered me." - ZOEgirl

Sometimes I wish I was stronger - emotionally and mentally. It would mean to let everything go, even the one you truly love. I know the truth hurts, but I rather know it all than to one day find out of the truth without being told of it. My heart is aching knowing that he sometimes wishes to have things done another way/with me not being in the big picture. I just found out about it today. Fucking stupid of me.
I have never ever thought of having a life without him in it, or even wishing for a life without him; without us. I have never ever said "If I weren't in a relationship, I'd be able to..." do this or do that. Never. I'd never tell someone to "not fall in love" because you'll be trapped or tied up, and you won't have the freedom to do anything you want. If being in a relationship is like being in chains, then why be in one? Why?
Why …


"The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind." - Patrick Rothfuss
Playsuit: ASOS | Sandals: Rubi Shoes by Cotton On
I feel depressed. It was my birthday yesterday. I was pretty excited about it, but when the day came, it just didn't feel right. It hit me real hard that I'm now a 'twenty-something'. I'm no longer sweet sixteen or twenty-one and legal; I'm bloody twenty-something. Freaking old.
I feel old. I feel like I should let go of my childhood. I'm not a kid anymore, I should stop acting like one. I should really start planning out my life/my future. I'm still living with my parents, I just started uni. I don't have enough money to even rent a room. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I should be out there! Living on my own, have a real job, my own car, my own place and shizzzz. But nope, I'm still right here.
Actually, I have no idea what's making me upset. It's like every year I feel like this during or a…

Never see the stars

There are days where I just feel like lying in bed and hide under my blanket because I feel fat, and ugly. Today is one of those days. I just feel like staring at the four walls and ceiling, and not think about anything that is making me sad/upset. Just one of those days where I feel like crying my eyes out, and tell everyone to just shut the fuck up, and fuck off because everything is annoying the hell out of me. Just another day where I feel like giving up on life because it feels like I have lost my purpose in life. I just feel so alone and it's like nobody understands..
I can be really emotional sometimes. I can be emotional about something, and sometimes even about nothing. I don't know why I'm like this. I feel like I'm much more emotional than a normal human being should be. I hate it sometimes. I feel different and weird, like I don't belong and nobody is like me. I try to stay strong, but it's so hard to. I'm always trying to improve myself, const…

AFC Asian Cup Australia 2015

Kuwait vs. Korea Republic 0-1

Dae-han-min-guk :)

Winged dreams

Tribal print dress: Supré | Ear cuff: Sportsgirl | Flash tattoo: Colette by Colette Hayman
I've always liked having a brand new year. It's like you get to start all over again. It feels like you've been given a book that has 365 blank pages, and you get to write/draw whatever the hell you want with only a pen. Things will, and can change if you make it happen for yourself.
This year has already been a great year for me. I was just verbally offered to continue working for the place I'm currently working at, which was what I really wanted. I never thought I'd like working in retail, but here I am. It's a pretty amazing job. I know the job's pretty easy, but it's something I really like doing. This job has been a motivation and it has given me a clearer view on what I might want to do in the future.
I mean, I know this isn't the dream company I'd want to work for, but it's a start of something. I take this as an experience to grow and move forw…