31 December 2014

Thankful


Before the year ends, I just want to say a few things. This year indeed has been a tough/rough year for me, but I want to thank God for everything He has done for me. I know almost everything was taken away from me, I was so broken to the point that I was left with almost nothing. But I was blessed with  little things like awesome results and a great summer job. It feels like everything is coming altogether again.

Not only that, but my relationship with Hsiang is also getting from bad to good, which I hope we will be able to maintain a good relationship with each other. I'm so grateful for what God has been doing/done for me. I know I'm not perfect, I make tonnes of mistakes, and even when I'm stripped off and left with nothing, I know things'll get better eventually. Thank you God, for always being there for me.

I'm hoping for another great year. I'm hoping for a speedy, smooth-sailing year. I'm hoping God will always be with me, and will guide me through hard times. & Hsiang, I love you. Thank you for being so patient with me, and never giving up on me. Cheers to another year! :) <3

30 December 2014

Shards of the past

"As the year comes to an end, don't look back at yesterday's disappointment." - Buky Ojelabi


I can't believe this year is about to end. Time really does fly. I have been here for almost a year now. How things have changed. Though I didn't have the best time this year. It was one of the shittiest/crappiest year I have ever had (I think). But at the same time, this year has took me out of my comfort zone and brought me up to a whole new level. I grew so much, I learnt how to handle tough times and I "broke free".

This year I've gone through so much heartache and pain. I left my whole life behind and it felt like I had nothing left. It was difficult, but I got myself to snap out of it and look at it like it was a chance to start all over again, and make less mistakes/try to do everything right this time. I'm still getting a hang of it, I still do get sad sometimes, but I'm doing pretty good. I try to be optimistic about everything/anything :).

I'm hoping to keep this "feel" up. I'm starting to love life here more and more each day. My future is becoming more clear; I'm beginning to know what I want in life, and how to get them. Well yes, I do feel like I'm maturing. It feels like I've finally cut ties with my childish/immature self. Wtf, I'm turning twenty-two in less than a month. So I SHOULD be acting my age, really. Which I think I am lol?

Anyways, I'm not going to make any resolutions for next year, or maybe not anymore. Because I end up accomplishing nothing at the end of the year. So why should I waste my time coming up with a list of the impossible things I cannot/will not do? I shall just stick to achieving my dreams. Just got to push myself to study real hard, do what I love to do, love myself and be happy. That's bout it. Have a great NY guys! XX

p/s: Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right.

20 December 2014

Wrecked

"To believe that you must hide all the parts of you that are broken, out of fear that someone else is incapable of loving what is less than perfect, is to believe that sunlight is incapable of entering a broken window and illuminating a dark room." - Marc Hack 

Button shirt: Supré | Crop top: Supré | Shorts: Supré | Necklace: Forever 21 | Bracelet: Thomas Sabo | Garter: ASOS

Why do we have to feel pain? Why do we feel more pain than love/happiness? Why do we remember more of the bad than the good? Why is it so hard to forgive and forget? Why is it so difficult to trust? Why does it hurt to let go and move on? Why am I such an emotional wreck?

I never asked to be this emotional. I cannot recall a moment I was not emotional about something, or anything. I was always like this. I always felt "something more" than a normal person should feel. I often feel the need to pour "something" out of my body/myself. I run away from things, I avoid my problems and I can go for days/weeks crying about them. I let emotions take over my body, I fill myself with so much sadness, and I let it all go by drowning myself in my own tears. I can't remember how feeling/being happy feels like; not anymore.

Maybe one day I will. I hope that day will come. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I just want to run away to a place where I can find peace. I want to start all over again if I had the chance to. I just want to be happy and loved. That's all I'm asking for: happiness.

9 December 2014

Untitled

Sometimes I wish you knew how much pain you've put me through. I wish this pain would go away. Because I don't think I deserve to go through this much of pain. I just want to be loved, and to feel loved. But I don't have that anymore. I have given my all, it feels like there's nothing else to give. I just wish you would understand, instead of turning a deaf ear. This pain is killing me right there, in the heart. Sometimes I feel like I'm losing myself. Maybe one day it'll all be over; maybe one day my time will come to an end, which I pray is soon. I just don't want to feel pain anymore. I want it all to disappear.