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Showing posts from November, 2014

The Heart Wants What It Wants

"Who hasn't been trapped in a relationship with someone who only hurts and ignores you? Who hasn't felt the pain of loving someone who constantly lies to you and plays mind games?

Sometimes relationship devolve into these sad, troubled cycles that we can't break free of – no matter how much we want to. It feels like you don't want it anymore, but you still do."

What it's like to be skinny

I'm skinny. I'm five feet one and I weight about thirty-nine kilos. I have never ever reached forty kilos before. Maybe I have, but just once. I'm a US size two, my waist is about twenty-three/four inches and my shoe size is size five. But guess what? I hate being this skinny. It sucks.
Crop top: H&M | High-waist shorts: Cotton On | Shoes: Vintage | Bag: H&M | Body chain: ASOS
I've read many posts about girls dissing and commenting about skinny girls like me. How we skinny girls are the "prettier/more good-looking" ones, that we have so much "self-confidence" and we always "get the guys". I heard we get to dress pretty because all clothes; anything and everything look good on us, that only skinny girls get to be "models" and every girl in the world wants to be/look like us. Us skinny girls make non-skinny girls look bad. But you girls don't know what it's like to be skinny. I am skinny and I hate it so freaking mu…

Curiouser and curiouser

Hsiang and I have been together since high school. We went to college together, and we are now almost into our third year of long-distance relationship. He's in the states and I just migrated to Australia. We are living 9,429 miles apart, with a huge time difference of 15-17 hours.

A long-distance relationship is an intimate relationship that takes place when couples are separated by a considerable distance. LDR is not living in the same state (I'm making a comparison based on where I was from, which is a really small country), and going to different schools/colleges/universities. LDR is living miles apart and separated by time. LDR is not taking the next car/bus/train ride to see each other. LDR is having to sit hours on a plane to be with each other, and it is the only mode of transport you have. LDR is not knowing when is the next time you'll see each other again. LDR is having to depend on texting/WhatsApp/FaceTime/Skype to communicate with each other.
Being one of th…

Got lost in it

"Hung my head, as I lost the war and the sky turned black like a perfect storm. The water filled my lungs, I screamed so loud but no one heard a thing."

This is my fav picture of us. I was going through his Dropbox (he told me I could log in anytime I like to look at pictures of us) and found this. I also came across some stuffs I wish I could unsee. Please don't mind me, when I'm crying I tend to write stuffs that doesn't make sense.
I hate feeling like this. It feels like being torn apart. I'm already trying to be so strong. I try to forget stupid little things that upsets me. I've been trying to "switch off". I keep telling myself to be patient, to trust him and have faith. But how can I? We are miles apart, our relationship is so unstable. He has hid things from me, and I don't know if he still is. Is this what LDR really is like? It really hurts so much.
The truth does hurt. Because the truth is the truth. It shatters our heart. Someti…

Being a Christian

I came across an article recently titled 'Being A Christian Doesn't Always Look Like You Think It Should', written by Preston Sprinkle. A friend shared it on Facebook and it caught my attention. I did a quick read on it, and I thought HEY, I'd really like to have a say in it too.
Well, I am a Christian. I've always been a Christian. I was born a Christian, taught to be one and brought up to "act" like one. I go to church every Sunday. I sort of read the Bible, and yes, I said sort of. I enjoy praise and worship sessions a lot, though I don't really pay any attention on what is being preached, unless it's about things I can relate to. And I pray. Did I also mention that I've already been baptised?
I grew up learning stuffs like, be kind to your neighbour, do not lie, do not steal, do not cheat, do not kill, do not commit adultery (even though I had no idea what adultery meant until I was old enough to know what sex was), no sex before marriage…

Small beautiful breasts

"I know my breasts, small as plums, would win no blue ribbons. But in your hands  they tremble and fill with song like plump, white birds." - Cecilia Llompart

Yes, today I've decided to talk/write about breasts. I know many girls out there have insecurities, and we often compare ourselves to superstars, models and that-very-popular-girl-in-school-who-has-the-perfect-face-perfect-body-perfect-life-perfect-everything. I used to wish I had bigger breast, a nicer ass, model-tall with Blake Lively's beautiful legs. But I think there's zero shame in having small breasts.

Breasts are breasts, they are beautiful otherwise. Maybe sometimes I do compare my body to someone else's, and there will be days I don't feel good about my body. I'm really short, I have chicken legs, I hate my face, I have no ass, I have no boobs either and my hair sucks. But I think if you can make peace with your own flaws (in this case, your small breasts), you'll feel much more c…