26 September 2014

End of the lane

"They always say time changes things, but you actually have to change them yourself." - Andy Warhol

Sheer lace shirt: October Origin Malaysia | Babydoll dress: Topshop

Hey guys. I know I've been gone for a while. I haven't been updating my blog. I've just been really busy with uni life. Yes, for those who didn't know, I started uni last month. It's really just been so crazy. Got so much to do, with so little time. But uni life is good, even though I'm having a little trouble making friends. Otherwise, it is all good. Just hoping that this four years in uni will be good to me. Hoping big! :)

So, I've been really caught up with my studies lately. My friends back in Malaysia are all like, "Wah Jo, since when you so hard-working?", "SO ASIAN ALREADY LAH YOU" and "Go Aussie, become kiasu". And what do I say to all this? Well, yes I've changed. I've changed a lot since I got here. Before I started uni, I told myself that I'm going to put all my effort into this. I gotta be real serious this time. No going back, no giving up. No more changing my mind. I set my mind into this. The first week in uni was awkward. I was all confused about studies, what I was about to study and shit. So I decided to really study and no more playing around, no more procrastinating. Just freaking grow up?

Well, I'm trying to be more mature in the way I think and the way I do things. I guess changing the way I do things, the way I think has helped me a lot in planning my future, knowing what I really love and want to do. I swear, it's not like "yeah sure, it's just uni and shit", as if I have this four years to have fun. Of course, I'm not going to waste my parents' money like I did before. This time, it's for real. I want a job, I want a good future. I'm not doing this for anyone else, I'm doing this for myself. I'm studying really hard for myself. I'm not slacking or procrastinating, I'm cutting down on fun. I'm doing things that benefits me. I'm changing my ways for myself. I'm doing all of this for me.

I mean, sure, I'm young and sure, I should be doing all the stupid crazy things and go all out there, go nuts. Honestly though, I think I've already passed that phase. I'm pretty sure I went through that phase years back, when I was way much younger than I am now. I'm sure I've already done almost all the crazy things before I turned eighteen, maybe not smoking pot or doing drugs, not those kind of crazy, but pretty much almost every crazy shit a teenager or a twenty-something might do. I guess I'm just over it already. I mean, I've totally 'been there, done that' to most of the stupid things. So I guess I'm just not that stupid anymore to do stupid things. I just outgrew it all lol. Oh welllllllls.

And I guess this is really about growing up. I'm not getting any younger. It just hit me, hit me real hard, right in my face where I came to a point that I was really worried about my future, I didn't know what I want to do, what I loved doing. Then I changed, I gave much thought into it, I carefully planned my life and still planning. It just became really important to me to know where I'll be at in like, five to ten years time. I don't know about you guys, but I'm sure one day, reality will just smack right at you. Maybe not now, but one day. Unless of course, you're some rich-ass kid who doesn't give a damn because you know your parents are going to pass you all their wealth, then OKAY FINE.

But for me, this is it. My everything is in for my undergrad studies. I always end up telling myself this: Jo, you need a job because you need money because you spend money like water, so YOU NEED THIS. You need to do this for yourself. And I am. I am trying my very best.