9 February 2017

The next step

When I was a little girl, I used to read and watch a lot of fairy tales. Cinderella, Beauty and the Beast, Prince and the Frog, Sleeping Beauty, Thumbelina and so on. As I grew older I continued watching romantic movies such as A Cinderella Story, The Notebook, P.S. I Love You, The Time Traveler's Wife, About Time.. and I still do enjoy watching movies like that. Even when I was younger, I remember playing dress up with make-up on and walking down the "aisle" with my best friend. But all that was missing in our imaginary wedding was our own prince charming.

So if you were ever wondering why I am one of those girls who have been planning their dream wedding since like forever, enjoying looking at wedding photos or dresses on Pinterest and always having to tell everyone that you're ready to get married right now - well, now you know why.

But deep down, I don't think I'm ready. I mean, yeah maybe I do want to have a ring on my finger - that beautiful Tiffany Setting, maybe I do want be engaged, you know, just to be sure the relationship is real and I'm not just wasting my time. But.. am I really ready? The answer would clearly be no. Although I'm not going to lie, if there and then it happens, I will say yes. I have been ready to say yes since I was 11 years old.

I guess I'm just at that age where everyone is getting engaged or married and even having kids, everyone except me. With 11 years of being in a relationship, what are we still waiting for? Am I just wasting my time for something that might not work out in the end? Well, let me tell you what we're really waiting for, or maybe more of why I'm not really ready. I guess I still have to graduate (OMG MY LAST SEMESTER YES), I have to still look for a more permanent job, maybe look for a place to stay put? And I still want to travel the world.. I want to find myself.

Maybe things will work out, maybe things won't. As much as I enjoy sharing my plans for my dream wedding with my significant other, I've decided I don't. Because if he doesn't want it as much as I do, or doesn't see it happening in a couple of years to come, then maybe it's time for me to let it go and start doing things for myself instead of waiting for things to happen. God, this is so depressing. But I'll write soon.. maybe. 

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