15 January 2015

Never see the stars


There are days where I just feel like lying in bed and hide under my blanket because I feel fat, and ugly. Today is one of those days. I just feel like staring at the four walls and ceiling, and not think about anything that is making me sad/upset. Just one of those days where I feel like crying my eyes out, and tell everyone to just shut the fuck up, and fuck off because everything is annoying the hell out of me. Just another day where I feel like giving up on life because it feels like I have lost my purpose in life. I just feel so alone and it's like nobody understands..

I can be really emotional sometimes. I can be emotional about something, and sometimes even about nothing. I don't know why I'm like this. I feel like I'm much more emotional than a normal human being should be. I hate it sometimes. I feel different and weird, like I don't belong and nobody is like me. I try to stay strong, but it's so hard to. I'm always trying to improve myself, constantly trying to be good in everything I do - in my studies, my relationship, my career and the way I present myself to others, but the flooding of my emotions are always in the way of it all. Sometimes I wish I was the best and have the perfect everything. So I wouldn't have to feel this way about myself.

I'm just going to go to sleep. Hopefully things will be better tomorrow. I never want to give up on life, even though I always feel like doing so. I have already gone this far in life. Is it worth giving up? I ask myself this everyday and every time I feel like giving my life up. Hope.

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