27 January 2015


"The day we fret about the future is the day we leave our childhood behind." - Patrick Rothfuss

Playsuit: ASOS | Sandals: Rubi Shoes by Cotton On

I feel depressed. It was my birthday yesterday. I was pretty excited about it, but when the day came, it just didn't feel right. It hit me real hard that I'm now a 'twenty-something'. I'm no longer sweet sixteen or twenty-one and legal; I'm bloody twenty-something. Freaking old.

I feel old. I feel like I should let go of my childhood. I'm not a kid anymore, I should stop acting like one. I should really start planning out my life/my future. I'm still living with my parents, I just started uni. I don't have enough money to even rent a room. WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME. I should be out there! Living on my own, have a real job, my own car, my own place and shizzzz. But nope, I'm still right here.

Actually, I have no idea what's making me upset. It's like every year I feel like this during or after the first few days, or even weeks after my birthday. I remember last year, I turned the legal age, I just felt so meh. I guess it's going to be like this. No more OH MY GOSH MY BIRTHDAY OMG OMG OMG. Just meh, I just wanna sleep all day all night long, want everybody to not annoy me, k goodnight lol zzzz.

That was exactly how I felt yesterday. Plus, I had to go to work and I had a really bad headache. But the great thing was today. They had fireworks because it's Australia Day. The fireworks were so beautiful. I swear, it was like I had a "moment". It felt like I was going to have a great year. I don't know, it just felt like life is going to be much better for me. Just had that 'feel'. But I hope so. That was my birthday wish.

p/s: Sorry for the mumble jumble. I swear I wanted to blog days ago, but I was just too busy with work and talking to boyfriend. But YEAH, I'm still really busy. Oh yes, I finally have a real job! My first job btw, and I'm loving it :) Promise you guys I'll blog again when I can, XX

15 January 2015

Never see the stars

There are days where I just feel like lying in bed and hide under my blanket because I feel fat, and ugly. Today is one of those days. I just feel like staring at the four walls and ceiling, and not think about anything that is making me sad/upset. Just one of those days where I feel like crying my eyes out, and tell everyone to just shut the fuck up, and fuck off because everything is annoying the hell out of me. Just another day where I feel like giving up on life because it feels like I have lost my purpose in life. I just feel so alone and it's like nobody understands..

I can be really emotional sometimes. I can be emotional about something, and sometimes even about nothing. I don't know why I'm like this. I feel like I'm much more emotional than a normal human being should be. I hate it sometimes. I feel different and weird, like I don't belong and nobody is like me. I try to stay strong, but it's so hard to. I'm always trying to improve myself, constantly trying to be good in everything I do - in my studies, my relationship, my career and the way I present myself to others, but the flooding of my emotions are always in the way of it all. Sometimes I wish I was the best and have the perfect everything. So I wouldn't have to feel this way about myself.

I'm just going to go to sleep. Hopefully things will be better tomorrow. I never want to give up on life, even though I always feel like doing so. I have already gone this far in life. Is it worth giving up? I ask myself this everyday and every time I feel like giving my life up. Hope.

8 January 2015

Winged dreams

Tribal print dress: Supré | Ear cuff: Sportsgirl | Flash tattoo: Colette by Colette Hayman

I've always liked having a brand new year. It's like you get to start all over again. It feels like you've been given a book that has 365 blank pages, and you get to write/draw whatever the hell you want with only a pen. Things will, and can change if you make it happen for yourself.

This year has already been a great year for me. I was just verbally offered to continue working for the place I'm currently working at, which was what I really wanted. I never thought I'd like working in retail, but here I am. It's a pretty amazing job. I know the job's pretty easy, but it's something I really like doing. This job has been a motivation and it has given me a clearer view on what I might want to do in the future.

I mean, I know this isn't the dream company I'd want to work for, but it's a start of something. I take this as an experience to grow and move forward to achieve my goals and dreams. I just have to really work hard, stay optimistic and maybe one day, just one day, I will end up in my dream company and have lots people working for me. If I could buy over the company and become the CEO, that would be even better! Lol.

I can always dream. Dreams may come true. Anyways, I'm really hoping for great year. I'm turning another year older in nineteen days. I feel so old. Just when I thought I had my whole life figured out, OH BOY. I was so wrong. I still need time. Have a great year everybody :)