17 November 2014

Curiouser and curiouser

Hsiang and I have been together since high school. We went to college together, and we are now almost into our third year of long-distance relationship. He's in the states and I just migrated to Australia. We are living 9,429 miles apart, with a huge time difference of 15-17 hours.


A long-distance relationship is an intimate relationship that takes place when couples are separated by a considerable distance. LDR is not living in the same state (I'm making a comparison based on where I was from, which is a really small country), and going to different schools/colleges/universities. LDR is living miles apart and separated by time. LDR is not taking the next car/bus/train ride to see each other. LDR is having to sit hours on a plane to be with each other, and it is the only mode of transport you have. LDR is not knowing when is the next time you'll see each other again. LDR is having to depend on texting/WhatsApp/FaceTime/Skype to communicate with each other.

Being one of the very few couples being in a LDR, I sometimes get really ridiculous or some "I-know-it's-a-painful-question, but-I'm-going-to-ask-anyway #lol #sorrynotsorry" kind of questions from my friends and family members. Some questions asked are really like IN YOUR FACE, some really ends up with me all soaked up in tears and my heart shattered into a million pieces. I'd usually suck it up when I answer these few questions. I'd sometimes lie and pretend like things are alright/going to be fine, but I'm going to be really honest this time. These are my thoughts/answers to some of your questions I always wish I could give to all of you. These are the few common ones.

Do you miss him?

Hurmmm hmm mm. What do you think? I don't know. Isn't it obvious? *laughs sarcastically* Do you really want to know if I miss him or not? Well, of course I do?! I mean, you get to see your boyfriend/girlfriend every other day/week, and you still do miss him/her. Don't you?!

When will you be seeing each other again? 
Is he going to Australia to see you? 
Are you going over to see him?

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know. So far we have nothing planned yet. We have zero plans of going over here or there to see each other. We do want to see each other, but we are so caught up with our own lives and stuffs. However, I cannot wait till I get to see him again.

Is long-distance relationship THAT difficult?
Why do you still do it?
How do you do it?

I don't know really. LDR is fucking hard. I mean, who in the right mind would actually want to sacrifice so much/everything for a LDR that you don't know if  it will end up being a successful relationship or not, shed lots of tears, and have your heart broken over and over? There is just so much pain to go through. I swear, nobody should ever consider having a LDR. So why did I sign up for all this shit? I guess I did it because I love him. He's my first love, and eventually he grew to become my best friend. I always believe that one day we would be together. We'd have a family and cute kids. I want to spend the rest of my life with him. Because I do truly love him. That's why I signed up for this experience in hell. Love makes us do stupid things. This is the one stupid thing I did/am doing, and it's all for love. My love for him.

How do I do it? Lots and lots of patience. If he does something that makes you sad, be patient with him. If he does something stupid, be patient with him. If he pushes you away, be patient with him. Trust him with all your heart - or at least pretend to trust him like how I do (p/s: because I have major trust issues). Try your best to make him happy. Make him laugh. Give him space, give him all the space he needs/wants, which is a whole lot of it. Respect him. Argue and fight less, even though sometimes it's difficult to. Always be there for him when he needs you; listen to him, talk to him and lend him a virtual shoulder to lean on. Most important of all: never ever stop loving him.

What is going to happen next? 
Is he going over to Australia? 
Are you going to the states to be with him?

This has got to be everyone's favourite. I think everyone has asked me this before, or not many times. If you really must know, Hsiang and I have been talking about it for some time now. We've talked about where our relationship is heading, whether we were going to have a future together or not and what we both really want. I mean, all this isn't easy. Both of us have things we really want in life, and it's so difficult to be on the same page. We still need lots of time to think it through. This is a big decision for us to make. We do want each other in our lives. Well, I know I do. I want to spend my entire life with him, I want to watch him grow old, I spend all my time loving him and taking care of him. But I don't know what the future has in store for us. Though I wish I knew, 'cos I'm terrified of the future. The future really scares me.

When are you guys getting married?
Are you guys EVER getting married?

Just because we have been with each other for almost nine years doesn't mean we have to get married soon/ASAP. I know I want to be married (you have no idea how much I want to be married; it would be like a dream come true if I do ever marry ahh bliss) and have four adorable kids: two boys, two girls. In my head, I have already planned out almost my entire wedding. I even have names for my kids, for heaven's sake! But I don't know when we will marry or if we will even marry each other lol. However, a girl can dream. I can dream. I will always dream. And don't worry though. You'll definitely get an invitation to the wedding of the year IF it ever happens lolol. Yes, I said if :).

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