"Then I realised, they didn't changed, I changed. It happened when I lifted
the veil clouding my mind and saw the truth surrounding me." - L. M. Fields
There will be a point in our lives that will hit us hard in the face. This was one of my wake up call. I found it while I was cleaning up my mail. I remember reading this long-ass e-mail from my mother. I didn't expect this from her at all. I barely talked to her while I was busy with my internship. Every single time she called, I'd ignore it and tell her that I'd talk to her another day. So when I got this e-mail, I read and cried so much. I realised I was so caught up in having the time of my life. I was out a lot, I spent lots of money. I didn't give a care at all.
I guess what made me teared was she mentioned about me becoming an adult, reaching the legal age. I asked myself, WHAT THE HELL WAS I DOING? I had so many things to think and worry about. But I was just running away from doing that. I was afraid of growing up. I was so scared of making decisions. I didn't want to make decisions because, what if I don't like the decisions I made? What if one day I wake up asking myself, what have I gotten myself into? There's no turning back. Sure, there are second chances in life, but mistakes are mistakes.
We will all come to a point where we will regret decisions we've made for ourselves. And I just didn't want to go through that. But I realised, sooner or later I'd still have to decide. Doing nothing for almost a year had changed me so much. I'm still afraid of what's in for me in the future, but I've learned to accept the fact that I can never run away from making decisions and mistakes. But I'll always have second chances to try to make things right. The future is scary. But you can't just run back to the past because it's familiar. It's tempting. But it's a mistake.
p/s: The future can be a scary thing. Because it's something that's always left open for anything to happen. It's a total mystery. But at the same time, it's so exciting. Each decision we make can alter how our future will turn out, so how we end up in the future is really our decision. We never know what will be thrown at us, but it's up to each of us as to how we deal with whatever does come. No one else can decide that for us. Life can only be understood backwards, but it must be lived forwards.