28 February 2014

Goodbye, Malaysia

I don't know how you say goodbye to whom and what you love. I don't know a painless way to do it.
It's difficult to say goodbye for good at any time or any place. This is a long goodbye, yet not time enough.

To myself: I know it hurts, it really really hurts. I know you've always thought that it's hard being left behind, and it's hard to be the one who stays, but this time, you've got it all wrong. Leaving is painful, leaving your whole life behind is painful; your home, your friends and your memories, everything. I know you never wanted it to be this way. F-ing hurts.

To the love of my life: Remember our sneaky dates; parks in BJ, the "jungle"? Remember you cycled all the way to Secret Recipe to get me three slices of cake for my birthday? Remember waking up to cows at Bagan Lalang? Remember Gunung Datuk; beautiful place, I hated the climb, don't ever bring me there again? Remember Pulau Redang; my fav trip? I miss it. I miss it all so much. It makes it all harder to leave. I'm hoping to make more memories with you in Auzzie.

To my college friends: You know who you are. I had the best college life with you guys. All the crazy times we had, the non-stop crap-talking, the sexual talks, the nasty remarks bout we'd make 'bout each other, I'm going to miss it all. All you crazy peepo. Thanks for being my friends, now my best friends. Thanks for taking care of me, thanks for being there for me when times were bad. I will miss our coffee dates, makan-makan times and birthday celebrations. I love you guys so freaking much. OH AND PLEASE do not forget to send me wedding invitations and a flight ticket back home plz tq.

To Shanna Banana: Please jaga all my shopping malls and my fav stores for me. Do all the shopping on my behalf. I love you so much, my sampat best friend I've known since we were little kids. Go find yourself a good man. Get married before I do. Find a great job, love it. Then when rich already call me ah, we go open up a boutique together-gether, OK?

To Quraisha: Sorry for leaving you behind baby girl. But I'm always here for you if you ever need anyone to talk to. I'm going to miss you so much. Thanks for being a great best friend. I love you baby girl. Do make a trip down to Auzzie!

I leave, and the leaving is so exhilarating, I know I can never go back.

p/s: And to the rest of you: I'm going to miss you guys and girls. Thanks for everything: all the good and the bad, definitely had made me to what I am today. Goodbye Malaysia. I will miss you. You'll always be home to me. Much love!

18 February 2014

Why being a woman in your 20s is the worst

Your 20s are simply the worst. Don't try to deny it.

A decade of change, whether you choose to admit it or not. You can legally drink. You get off your parent's health insurance. You (likely) graduate college. You have sex. A lot of sex. You party, even if you try to deny it. You know you do.

Shots. Drugs. Maybe, once in awhile, something harder than weed. A series of one-night-stands and transient girlfriends. Or possibly a long-term relationship. Perhaps your high school sweetheart, the two of you next to each other in your senior yearbook, embraced in one of those awkward poses that force you both to stare at the camera.

Then you pass the 21-year-old threshold, and you're inundated with family, aunts, cousins, friends already settled down. Where's the ring? When you get to say yes to the dress? When you do you think you'd plan to get pregnant?

What if you're just not ready? What if you're still stuck in school, having to take fewer credits to carry a job? What if you're in a new relationship? What if you find yourself unable to work, to product, to create?

Why do women deal with this? I'm not sure. Sometimes I feel as though I have a ticking time bomb, mostly likely embedded in my uterus, telling me I have only so much time to be a real woman. As though, because I'm divorced, I'm less of what I should be. I failed, yes. More than once in two years. It's true. But I'm much stronger from it.

When you're in your 20s, your friendship falls into two categories. You have your solid, lifetime friends. The ones who, despite what mental or physical distance that may have accrued, are always by your side. And you have friends who were around during the good times, the crazy times, when freedom from responsibility reigned. I can assure you, those friends will not last until you're 30. One or both of you will move into entirely different lifestyles. There may be resentment on either end.

The millennials are an odd generation. We were funded by the post-Baby Boomer generation, those easing into Generation X. We're an easy generation to pick on. Everyone is a special snowflake, know? Participation trophies for all, yo.

But we're still in our 20s. We're still post-high school, post-college, introduced to a completely new world that doesn't revolve around higher education. We aren't your case study about future old maids, We're not getting married at 22 to secure a future. We are a generation fused with so much our past, the good and bad and happy and sad aspects. We are doing nothing more than learning.

But, regardless of having to stay strong, your 20s are the worst. It's science.

16 February 2014

Now I long for yesterday

I'm not half the girl I used to be.

Yesterday, all my trouble seemed so far away
Now it looks as though they're here to stay
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Suddenly, I'm not half the girl I used to be
There's a shadow hanging over me
Oh, yesterday came suddenly

Why he had to go I don't know he wouldn't say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Why he had to go I don't know he wouldn't say
I said something wrong, now I long for yesterday

Yesterday, love was such an easy game to play
Now I need a place to hide away
Oh, I believe in yesterday

Mm mm mm mm mm mm mm