26 July 2013

All is black

"I felt a splinter of guilt wedge into my heart." - Jodi Picoult


Here he is, all mine, trying to give his best to give me all he can. How could I ever hurt him? But I didn't understand then; that I could hurt somebody so badly, he would never recover; that a person can, just by living, damage another human being beyond repair. I made a mistake, it was all my fault. And that's all it will be: one big scar of love went wrong. No one will see it, no one will know, but it will be there. Even when I stop crying, even when we fall asleep and I'm nestled in his arms, all of the scars will have scars. I hurt him, I shredded his heart with one hand, and it's only going to get worse. So why did I hurt him? It was like I took a shot in the dark, then realised I was too late, because I had wounded the person I was trying to protect. But after being heartbroken for so long, I think I had made myself completely numb inside. Maybe not from physical pain, but anything emotional. I'm so sorry, Hsiang. I'm so sorry love.

19 July 2013

Secret sorrows

"Whatever it takes to find the real you, don't be daunted if the rest of the world looks on in shock." - Stephen Richards

 

I guess, somehow, I'll find it. The balance between who I wish to be and who I need to be. But maybe for now, I just have to be satisfied with who I am. My life is a big mess and in pain. It gets more complicated at the worst of times, and sometimes I have no idea where to go, or what to do anymore. I want to give up. No, I give up. I cannot do this anymore.